i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
