I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
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So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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