I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
