Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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