my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
