Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
