When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
