i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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