apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
