You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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