I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he had hair everywhere except his balls
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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