I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
