I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
