I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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