I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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