I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
