you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
