she was so not down for the gang bang
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
