I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
