I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
