You just made me feel so damn special
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
