do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
