So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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