Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
