So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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