Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
