i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
