My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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