Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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