I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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