I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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