At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
