i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
