Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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