his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize