I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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