I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
