I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
