I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
