Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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