Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
