I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
