Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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