Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
