In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
