dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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