Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
