sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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