I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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