Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
