right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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