So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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