He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
