I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
