This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
