He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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