...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
