nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize