what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
COCAINE IS GR8
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