i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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