I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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