you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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