Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
