you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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